Learning to Love Your Sexuality

Hi lovely readers,

I’ve told my coming-out story on here before, and I think I sounded pretty comfortable with who I am now. But the reality is that sometimes I still wish things were easier or different or followed society’s norms. I’m sure I’m not the only one who feels like this often, so I wanted to share some things that have really helped me move not only into acceptance but also to a place where I’m excited to be myself.

The first part for me is deciding how and whether it’s important to yourself to visibly or verbally express that part of you. Some people don’t feel the need to come out, even, because it’s just part of who they are like anything else and it doesn’t change the person other people really know. That’s perfectly fine. Some people feel that it’s important to their health and happiness and bring it up with family, friends, and new people that come into their lives because they do feel that just like any big life event or realization it does change them in such a way that it’s a crucial part of their identity. Some people like to dress in a way that will make it easier for others to guess their orientation, whereas some people feel like that’s completely separate to the way they want to present themselves. I waver between both. The happier I become with that piece of who I am, the more I choose to go for it on days when I want to rock a ‘gay’ looking outfit. But I also identify as femme, so most of the time I just like dressing in clothes that make me feel pretty or confident. It’s exciting for some people to go to a pride parade rocking a rainbow outfit and cheering about their love for the lgbt community and their part in it. Some people find happiness just in living a normal, simple life where they go to bed at the end of the day with someone who happens to be the same gender as they are.

The next thing I’ve been trying to do is think of all the doors it opens up. Accepting who I am and acting in accordance with that means my future is suddenly pretty exciting! Who doesn’t want to fall in love? I dream about a future where I get to get down on one knee and surprise my loved one with a ring. I imagine a family someday where my kids grow up seeing their parents in love. If I deny myself the ability to be who I really am, those ideas suddenly either don’t seem plausible or sound like they’re going to happen in a way that isn’t so genuine or happy.

The last step for me, and I think the hardest, is getting excited about being different. It’s easy to think about all the things you’ll have to deal with when you’re not straight. People are going to judge, say mean things, maybe you won’t be treated fairly or always have the opportunities you deserve. But at the same time, you’re part of a beautiful community that stands out, advocates for love, equality and acceptance, and even celebrates with a ridiculously fun, outlandish and brightly coloured party of a parade every year! When you, for example, walk down the street holding hands with your girlfriend, you challenge people who might have some negative opinions by showing them two happy people who care about each other going about their days without causing any harm. Someone who’s scared to face their own sexuality might hear you talking comfortably about your identity and suddenly feel a little bit of the confidence they might need to start accepting themselves.

Finally, and this is true of a lot of things, if someone is cruel and obviously dislikes you because of your sexual orientation, they aren’t someone you’d probably want to be around anyway, or maybe they have some huge struggle with personal acceptance going on too. Regardless, why would you want to be around them? And if you know you deserve better than to need them in your life, why does it matter what they’ve said? They’re unhappy, because they have to carry that hate around, and they probably have a lot of things they’re judging themselves and others for. That’s not a good existence. But you’re free, being yourself, and spreading love and compassion. Their loss.

That’s it for today’s post. Thanks so much for stopping by.

Lots of love,

Liz

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