Hi lovely readers!
Happy Monday. Today I’m going to share some tips for something I never thought I could – confidence. I have talk about self-love before, but confidence is a whole other spiel. I was in a phase of growth where I was capable of saying things like “I am a good daughter” and “I am a good friend” and “I am loved”, but I still couldn’t interact with people with confidence or stand tall in general. I was still very prone to embarrassment and shame. I didn’t talk at NA meetings and when I met people I was shy and reserved, and when I tried to date I was incredibly closed off and timid.
Recently I realized that I’m making a lot of friends and my friendships are much closer. I’m not afraid of telling the person I’m seeing how I feel or asking for what I need. If something someone does upsets me I can let them know without fear. So what changed?
1. I practiced assertiveness. It was terrifying at first, especially with men because I have some trauma surrounding them and anger, but I started with just doing it on my phone. In person was still too intimidating. If someone said something inappropriate to me I texted them saying it made me uncomfortable and to please stop, after taking a deep breath and promising myself not to put it off. Then it started to translate into all of my conversations, and then into real life. Once my needs were expressed and the only people still surrounding me were people who respected my desires and boundaries, I found myself feeling really good about who I am and what kind of environment I’ve made for myself.
2. I faked it. Sometimes I feel really shy and embarrassed for no particular reason, or because I’ve done or said something I interpret as awkward. But I forced myself to make no apologies, and to continue speaking my mind in spite of it. Finally this translated into a general feeling of “fuck it – if they like me, they like me. If they don’t, at least it’s because they saw the real me.”
3. I live according to my values. I dress the way I want to represent myself and so that what people assume upon first meeting me is hopefully what I see in myself, I am kind and helpful to the people in my life in general, I work hard at things I know I need to. Maybe what I do isn’t in accordance with everyone else’s beliefs about what makes a good person, but it is for me. Knowing that gives me so much more confidence in myself.
4. I tell myself it’s okay when I make mistakes. This is still a work in progress because I’m a perfectionist and I aim really high when it comes to continuously trying to grow as a person, but no one is consistently at their best or working their hardest 100% of the time. I’ve also noticed that other people, at least the ones I have love and appreciation for, really don’t judge me for those mistakes. When something doesn’t go as planned and it’s somewhat my fault, I just remind myself I’m human and I’m still loved.
5. I take care of myself. Not everyday has to be the ultimate healthy day, but typically I try to be clean and I like to have my makeup done, I do the basic self-care stuff like keeping my teeth and skin clean, and I add in other things that make me feel good about my health and appearance like face masks and taking baths and working out. If you show your body the respect it deserves (through what you eat too – I’m working on this) you will venture into the world with your head held high.
Those are all my tips for confidence! I also write affirmations in my journal every morning, but honestly I didn’t find that improved my confidence and more so affected my self love. It wasn’t until I was capable of telling myself that I was “okay” that I started thinking “hey, there are some things I’m kind of great at!”
Thanks so much for reading and I hope you have a great week.
Lots of love,
Liz
Two Girls and a Calico Cat 